Does anyone recall if their parents attended the Meet-the-Teacher nights when they were in high school? What about in elementary or middle school? I'm fairly certain that my parents stopped participating in such things after elementary school. And by the time I reached high school, I don't recall them ever taking an interest in who my teachers were as long as I stayed out of trouble and brought home good report cards.
If you have children, or plan on having children, what do you think your attitude will be regarding knowing your children's high school teachers? Does this matter? When is it important? And how do you think our relationships with our children's teachers (if any) will differ due to the fact that we are also educators?
Do you think that we are most likely only going to be interacting with our student's parents when there is an issue that needs resolving? Do you expect parents to come to the school and introduce themselves to you just because? I for one, would not expect to hear from parents until there is a problem. And I will admit that I am nervous about dealing with parents.
And at what point would you consider it appropriate or necessary to contact a student's parents regarding such issues as behaviour or aptitude? Do you expect that the parents you do have conversations with will work for or against you?
I read an interesting article regarding teacher-parent relationships:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living/teachers-want-to-tell-parents/index.html
When Dr.Raptis told us that most teachers only last about five years, and that roughly half of teachers leave the profession after this long, I was shocked. This article suggests that parents play a large role in a teacher's decision to perservere or quit. I had never considered this before.
By the time I reached High school I was fairly independent and my parents both worked full time. My experience was the same as yours, parents didn't get involved unless there was an issue that needed to be addressed. My school was huge - 1500 students. So I'm also pretty sure the teachers had to focus on the most serious problems, likely not a lot of time for meet and greet type activity. Appropriate time to contact parents - student is failing consistently and shows no signs of that changing, time for a chat. I didn't read the article you posted yet....I would have if I didn't have my grade 11 provincial exam coming up....have to do well!!! Don't want a phone call home!
ReplyDeleteThe past two years of having a child in high school have brought about a new appreciation for what teachers go through and the support that is necessary from the home for some students to keep going.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, I have found it very interesting the reception that I have received from various teachers when approaching them regarding my child's education. Some teachers have accepted this with open arms and welcomed me into their class, others have not been so happy about the idea.
I think that as a teacher you have to judge each child and situation accordingly. If a student has been habitually late for a few weeks, it may be time for a quick call home (or email). If a student is behind 3 or more assignments it may be time to contact the parents. Feel out the response from the parent, all you can do is try.
One of the phrases I had one teacher tell me as a parent was.. "Well you know I have 30 other students to worry about as well.." To which I answered back, "That great - I have one and I am here to make sure that child makes it through."
My parents were highly involved throughout my time in high school, but through extra-curricular activities, not academic. As an average (and shy) student, most teachers only had good things to say when my parents saw them. My parents were at the school at least three times a week, either to watch a basketball game, take our team to an away game, or drop us off on the weekends for a volleyball tournament. My parents new the majority of my teachers by name, and with no behavior problems, there was never a need for any additional meetings or discussions. I also went to a highly populated (and over crowded) high school, so for my parents to have had more involvement with my teachers would have seemed redundant, and a waste of time for both my parents and teachers.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you share the same fear I do Cory. I am also nervous about dealing with parents. Part of this stems from the idea that parents only seem to get involved when there is a problem, so they are probably going to be defensive and critical of us the teacher. Like we have discussed in numerous classes, it is really important that teachers get involved with the parents, whether it is through email, blogs, networks, conferences, etc… I think that if there is this open communication between parents and teachers, parents will be more receptive to what is going on in the classroom, and not as surprised if their child is having an issue.
After reading the article you posted it can seem like a really scary thing to deal with parents. One sentence that I found really disturbing was when Clark says, “Why would anyone want to enter our profession? If our teachers continue to feel threatened and scared, you will rob our schools of our best, and handcuff our efforts to recruit tomorrows outstanding educators.” It is so true! Teachers its seems are becoming more and more terrified, and parents are becoming more and more extreme in how they react with teachers (I think about the teacher wiping the mark of her students face and losing her job or bringing a lawyer to a parent teacher conference). How can we be effective teachers if, like Clark says, we are walking on eggshells the whole time because of parents?
I am not trying to stereotype any parent here, nor can I say from experience what I will be like as a parent. But it seems to me that now a days people are just looking for an easy excuse. My child isn’t doing well in school? Its because he has a really bad teacher. You think my child is disruptive? If you were doing your job right, he wouldn’t be bored in class… The examples are endless, and I feel like we all know someone who thinks there child can do no wrong. Or the story that goes home is not the one that we experienced in the class. I hope that as a teacher I can develop an open communication, that is efficient and effective and will let parents know what exactly is happening in the classroom (for both the positive and negative things).
Thanks for posting this article, Cory. It expanded a lot on what Dr. Raptis said, and even what other profs like James and Cindy have mentioned about the triangle relationship between student, parent, and teacher.
ReplyDeleteI think Cindy even gave that example of the teacher telling the parent "your child did this "wrong activity" today in class" and the parent askes the kid "is that true"? I wonder if it's because parents try to place their identity in kids. Now please don't misinterpret me.
I know that my parents were extrememly proud of all my accomplishments, and whenever I had a new teacher, they came in and introduced themselves.
But, if I was in their place, bringing my kid -let's call her Sally - to class, I would think everything Sally did was awesome, and I would probably want her to excel. And since I don't take criticism well when it's about me, I bet my back hairs would all go up, too if something bad was said about Sally. I think my first thought would be a bad comment about Sally is a bad comment about me.
The problem is that those few parents, like those few stubborn people out there, don't realize that the teacher is not putting them or their kid down. The teacher in reality is trying to address an issue that, if left unchecked, will spiral into a real bad habit.
When you deal with someone who refuses to see negative qualities in their children (and maybe themselves) that's where the conflict starts. I think that for the relationship to work, there has to be understanding on both parts, and a willingness to work together.
For example, I was a pretty good kid, with good marks, and I never really acted out of line. But one of my teachers told me I had to work harder in class, because I had a tendency to just do the minimum. So, she talked to my parents, and told them what was happening in class. My parents talked to me at home, and for the rest of the year, encouraged me to put more effort into my assignments, and answers for reading.
My parents could have gotten angry that their girl who enjoyed socials was getting a lower mark than expected, but instead they looked at the situation and realized my teacher was right.
Then again, I am absolutely terrified of offending parents. I hope that when I have to talk about problems and situations I will be able to relieve fears and help create a positive outcome. And maybe not take things too personally.
Hilary,
ReplyDeleteI do completely agree with you regarding how parents perceive comments about their children in that they take things personally. I think, when dealing with parents, it is imperative as a teacher to make it clear that we want to help the child succeed, not that we are simply saying "your kid sucks", which is often how it may come across to sensitive parents.
I have always said, and still do that kids scare me. When I say this, I mainly refer to younger children maybe to the age of 10-12. I say this partly in the idea that I am far to independent to have my own child - which, Cory, answers you question. It is also partly because I am deadly afraid of the judgement that comes with the parenting of others.
ReplyDeleteI began to babysit when I was only 8 years old, for children that were 2 and 3 years old. I played and tutored them for years watching them grow up, but I gave up the job mainly because I began to feel that while I was really close to them, any time the parents were around, they always kept an eye on me, and was very judgemental. It boggles the mind how critical they were towards someone who had been caring for their children on almost a daily basis.
Fast forward to two years from now - if I'm fortunate enough to have a job right out of the program - I worry how judgemental a parent is going to be with me as a teacher? Yes, I will deal with them (students) almost daily, and yes, as the article states: "We are educated professionals who work with kids every day and often see [them] in a different light than you do." I certainly did not act the same at school as I did at home. School was a place I could "let loose" (for the days I decided to actually show up).
“This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's that he/she is getting a good education.” My parents never went to parent-teacher nights unless I was the one who asked them to go. Up until grade 6, I never had anything but a “A." Grade 8 my teacher wanted to fail me because I did not write a single test, midterm, or final. My mother told the teacher if she didn't pass me, she would have her fired. Grade 9 I tried to fail out and my parents still did not have a conference with the teacher. Grades 10-12 I began to skip school in favour of going to the movies or simply sleeping in. My father merely knocked on my door one morning and asked if I would “please consider going to school” that day. I did not.
That, as a teacher, I can see being very frustrating. If you care for the well being of the student, but can get no motivation out of the parent, how can you expect the same from the student? The opposite can also be true. As the article states “… if you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them.” My cousin failed grade 8 twice, before the system let her pass through the third time. The reason for them letting her advance was not because she actually did well, but because my Aunt – her mother – went to the newspaper and created a story describing the “lack of professionalism and actual instruction” on the part of the teachers. My cousin was illiterate and her mother was doing nothing to help her but blame the teachers. I was appalled then, and now going into that profession, I’m terrified of those parents.
Realistically, as a teacher you have to be a combination of a psychologist, a counsellor, and a teacher all in one. You have to understand that you will have parents with too much involvement and too little, but it will make you appreciate the ones who are there when they need to be and understand the stress that is involved. We have to take everything in stride and believe that with or without the parents, as the Who said: “the kids are alright.”